My father was not exactly a friend to us/me when we were growing up. He was dedicated to his job and his education and we did not have time for usual father and son activities. As we turned professionals, we could not agree on a lot of things and he insisted on a lot of things like discipline and obedience, and manager to subordinate talk which I disliked (as all young idealist graduates do!)
But cancer struck him when he was only 56. And he was pitiful when he learned that he had cancer and that he had few months to live. As I read his diary, and he wrote daily what he felt and experienced, I felt differently for him; because he appeared before as strong and disciplinarian. And here he was emaciated and very sensitive.
He was confined in a hospital and since I had the capacity of declaring a leave for myself anytime, I was able to visit and stay with him in the hospital daily... And lo and behold, we quarreled daily! Maybe because he had so much self pity, he was so sensitive and he flared up on slightest provocation.
But despite that, as a dutiful son, (following the confucian paternal devotion). Then one day, as I bought antibiotics from Mercury Drugstore, I did not find anymore at his usual sick bed and and nurses told me they transferred him to the ICU. And he was comatose. He had a blood clot from his nose (he was dying from cancer of nasopharynx, I was told due to to smoking unfiltered cigarette) that went up his brain and clogged one of the blood vessel.
It posed another problem: what do we do in case he does not recover? What about the financial burden? Will our conscience bother us when we issue DNR (Do not Resuscitate request) or unplug the oxygen tube?
But a father as we was, took away that burden from me as the eldest son. His heart stopped beating on its own and we did not have to take that difficult decision. And then I had to take care of the memorial services details. And I was numb from lack of sleep, and had no emotion anymore for the lot of times we quarreled!
I remember that I cried when the casket was finally lowered, the band was playing the dirge and we were throwing soil on the casket. It meant, that I would take the responsibility of a father to my mother and my siblings.
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5 comments:
I lost my dad when I was 25 it has been 4 years . It has been hard. The thing that has got me through it is knowing he is watching over me . I know that what I'm missing is with him. when his journey is done, and he has settled into eternal life, he will give me the strength to get on... I know he will do for me. He needs my heart and soul to carry him through this journey.
I miss you every moment Daddy.
Melanie G. Bautista
Holy Gardens Pangasinan Memorial Park
Losing someone you love so much is one of the painful experiences that may happen to you. You can't deny the fact that death is a part of this journey called life and all you need to do when this hard time comes is to move on. With God’s guidance let us learn some helpful ways to heal the pain and manage our feelings during traumatic time.
Melanie G. Bautista
Holy Gardens Pangasinan Memorial park
"A loved one is a treasure of the heart and to lose a loved one is like losing a piece of yourself.
But the love that this person brought you...did not leave, for the essence of the soul lingers.
It cannot escape your heart, for it has been there forever.
Cling to the memories and let them find their way to heal you.
The love and laughter, the joy in the togetherness you shared...will make you strong.
You'll come to realize that your time together, no matter how long, was meant to be,
and that you were blessed to have such a precious gift of love in your life.
Keep your heart beating with the loving memories and trust in your faith to guide
you through.
Know that though life moves on...the beauty of love stays behind to surround
and embrace you.
Your loved one has left you that...to hold in your heart forever." ~
Jobyl Marie T. Villanueva
Holy Gardens La Union
Losing my husband for almost 6 years seemed that the world dropped on me. It was really hard to accept but life must go on for the sake of our son. The reason might be hard to understand but whatever it is, i just have to move on, kept with faith, believing God that everything happened to me had a porpose.
April Lyn M. Caragayan
Holy Gardens Oton Memorial Park
I lost my dad at the age of 24(2006). He was my Best Friend, Advisor,.....My greatest mentor. I was the only person in the room when my dad gives his last breathe. My tears starts to flow as i looked upon my dying father......
.......a sad story of mine that imparts one thing in my mind till now which i would like to share, "Tell your dad and mom how much you love and care for them before its too late. Time is as precious as Gold, precious to the ears of our Parents hearing the word.. I LOVE YOU!"
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